Lamxemsabfedbonkmetvonkbass is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, ill-tempered giraffe.

Lamxemsabfedbonkmetvonkbass created matter five million years ago.

If you believe in Lamxemsabfedbonkmetvonkbass, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Lamxemsabfedbonkmetvonkbass, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Lamxemsabfedbonkmetvonkbass' most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Lamxemsabfedbonkmetvonkbass' Holy Commandments

1. Never jump near whales.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never wear blue hats.

5. Fast once a month.