Quathanbap is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, sage dolphin.

Quathanbap created silver three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quathanbap, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Quathanbap, he will torture you forever.

Quathanbap's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Quathanbap's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never feed aubergines to nematodes while wearing purple boots.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Always pray immersed in water.