Lanhinnig is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, thoughtless pigeon.

Lanhinnig created Europe four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lanhinnig, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Lanhinnig, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Lanhinnig's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Lanhinnig's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Do not drink water in violet rooms.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Never go into mauve rooms.