Teenveenhud is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, almighty weasel.

Teenveenhud created the planet Saturn three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Teenveenhud, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Teenveenhud, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Teenveenhud's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Teenveenhud's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Run away from pink ducks, for they are unholy.

4. Erect a large copper sculpture of Teenveenhud on top of all buildings.

5. You must never eat wheat.