Titarmmil is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, unthinking bat.

Titarmmil created time and space twelve years ago.

If you believe in Titarmmil, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Titarmmil, she will turn you into a goat.

Titarmmil's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Titarmmil's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always make sure there are no swans in a building before entering it.

5. Never laugh in holy places.