Dudnuttgud Quafsaw Yakrullcad is a god.

She takes the form of a large, idiotic tortoise.

Dudnuttgud Quafsaw Yakrullcad created a down quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Dudnuttgud Quafsaw Yakrullcad, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Dudnuttgud Quafsaw Yakrullcad, she will turn you into a slug.

Dudnuttgud Quafsaw Yakrullcad's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Dudnuttgud Quafsaw Yakrullcad's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat pineapples.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

3. Never mention turtles.

4. Always help sick great tits.

5. Do not shave your arms.