Laprakgom is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, slow deer.

Laprakgom created oxygen seven million years ago.

If you believe in Laprakgom, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Laprakgom, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Laprakgom's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Laprakgom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never think about galaxies.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Bats are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Do not kill rats.