Rotvabdon Nurtcemnak is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, passionate cobra.

Rotvabdon Nurtcemnak created everything that exists nine million years ago.

If you believe in Rotvabdon Nurtcemnak, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Rotvabdon Nurtcemnak, it will turn you into a hamster.

Rotvabdon Nurtcemnak's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Rotvabdon Nurtcemnak's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Always make sure there are no whales in a building before entering it.

4. Never feed pineapples to aardvarks while wearing brown trousers.

5. Never write about the weak nuclear force.