Vegquimxen is a god.

He takes the form of a small, uncaring turtle.

Vegquimxen created dark matter five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vegquimxen, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Vegquimxen, he will turn you into a rock.

Vegquimxen's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Vegquimxen's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear indigo trousers.

2. Never wear rings.

3. Never talk about sharks.

4. Birds are not to be trusted.

5. Do not take Vegquimxen's name in vain.