Geptalhad is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, narcissistic hippopotamus.

Geptalhad created the planet Saturn seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Geptalhad, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Geptalhad, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Geptalhad's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Geptalhad's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat wheat.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Geptalhad must be the most important thing in your life.