Bessquimdub is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, selfish capybara.

Bessquimdub created dark matter five billion years ago.

If you believe in Bessquimdub, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Bessquimdub, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Bessquimdub's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Bessquimdub's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick moths.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. You must pray to Bessquimdub five times a day.

4. Never paint your legs black.

5. Always wear purple.