Figvennulfas is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, awe-inspiring cat.

Figvennulfas created bats eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Figvennulfas, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Figvennulfas, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Figvennulfas' most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Figvennulfas' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about tortoises.

2. Always look after injured ducks.

3. Never paint your back turquoise.

4. Never think about cell theory.

5. Always wear green.