Lidfarmid is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, humorless crocodile.

Lidfarmid created life twelve years ago.

If you believe in Lidfarmid, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Lidfarmid, he will cry a lot.

Lidfarmid's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Lidfarmid's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Always make sure there are no dogs in a building before entering it.

4. Never write about gravity.

5. Lidfarmid loves foxes, so they must be respected.