Tunparkwan is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, almighty gnu.

Tunparkwan created snails nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tunparkwan, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Tunparkwan, it will remove you from existence.

Tunparkwan's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Tunparkwan's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Never think about gravity.

3. Hide from yellow swans for they are unholy.

4. Always look after injured nematodes.

5. Do not drink water in red rooms.