Tailwitzim is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, proud armadillo.

Tailwitzim created humanity six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tailwitzim, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tailwitzim, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Tailwitzim's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Tailwitzim's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Always help sick cats.

3. You must pray to Tailwitzim four times a day.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.