Taplankim Pitnull Gadnurlwan is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, emotional mole.

Taplankim Pitnull Gadnurlwan created parasitic wasps two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Taplankim Pitnull Gadnurlwan, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Taplankim Pitnull Gadnurlwan, he will not care.

Taplankim Pitnull Gadnurlwan's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Taplankim Pitnull Gadnurlwan's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at moons.

2. Do not wear magenta clothing.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate tapirs.

4. Never bounce in holy places.

5. Never wear fawn jumpers.