Xempanstaf is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, passionate porpoise.

Xempanstaf created the planet Mars twelve years ago.

If you believe in Xempanstaf, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Xempanstaf, she will turn you into a mole.

Xempanstaf's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Xempanstaf's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Xempanstaf three times a day.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never run in holy places.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Xempanstaf loves birds, so they must be respected.