Lamdissmab is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, conceited alligator.

Lamdissmab created tapeworms seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Lamdissmab, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lamdissmab, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Lamdissmab's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Lamdissmab's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about gravity.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never mention dolphins.

4. Retreat if four voles approach from the south.

5. Never eat bark.