Volcipkin is a god.
He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, kind
newt.
Volcipkin created dark energy nine billion years ago.
If you believe in
Volcipkin, he will ignore you forever.
If you do not believe in
Volcipkin, he will send four elephants to rub you out.
Volcipkin's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.
Volcipkin's Holy Commandments1. Run away from mauve otters, for they are unholy.
2. Never talk about aardvarks.
3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.
4. Do not dye your hair cyan.
5. Retreat if eight capybaras approach from the west.