Nartguthig is a god.

She takes the form of a large, clever crane.

Nartguthig created energy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Nartguthig, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Nartguthig, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Nartguthig's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Nartguthig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair mauve.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Great tits are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Do not commit murder.