Flatcarquat is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, awesome dove.

Flatcarquat created the planet Earth six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flatcarquat, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Flatcarquat, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Flatcarquat's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Flatcarquat's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never talk about gravity.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Always obey Flatcarquat's priests.