Pittonbiss is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, selfish bear.

Pittonbiss created an up quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pittonbiss, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Pittonbiss, she will be very unhappy.

Pittonbiss' most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Pittonbiss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Erect a large silver sculpture of Pittonbiss on top of all buildings.

3. Never wear gray stockings.

4. Do not speak about strawberries.

5. Pray towards the north.