Lagbassquaf is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, happy raven.

Lagbassquaf created snails five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagbassquaf, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Lagbassquaf, it will not care at all.

Lagbassquaf's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Lagbassquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never paint your back orange.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate swans.