Batflatpib is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, tiresome goat.

Batflatpib created a quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Batflatpib, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Batflatpib, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Batflatpib's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Batflatpib's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into yellow rooms.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Run away from green monkeys, for they are unholy.