Loopteennarlin is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, dishonest wren.

Loopteennarlin created the Black Eye Galaxy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Loopteennarlin, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Loopteennarlin, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Loopteennarlin's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Loopteennarlin's Holy Commandments

1. Cats are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never feed coconuts to seals while wearing green kilts.

5. Do not run in public.