Sandlamcar is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, unthinking porpoise.

Sandlamcar created energy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sandlamcar, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Sandlamcar, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Sandlamcar's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Sandlamcar's Holy Commandments

1. Erect six nickel sculptures of Sandlamcar on top of important buildings.

2. Pray towards the west.

3. Retreat if nine goats approach from the north.

4. You must love Sandlamcar.

5. Hide from mauve aardvarks for they are unholy.