Tofsagsig is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, ruthless mole.

Tofsagsig created the planet Saturn two million years ago.

If you believe in Tofsagsig, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tofsagsig, it will remove you from existence.

Tofsagsig's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Tofsagsig's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Pray towards the east.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Tofsagsig.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate shrews.

5. Never look in ponds.