Bosszimyat is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, humorless hippopotamus.

Bosszimyat created viruses five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bosszimyat, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Bosszimyat, he will jump up and down on your head.

Bosszimyat's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Bosszimyat's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never talk about seals.

4. Do not sing in public.

5. Do not hurt tortoises.