Lamflamraw is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, witty salamander.

Lamflamraw created the Small Magellanic Cloud eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lamflamraw, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lamflamraw, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Lamflamraw's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Lamflamraw's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never talk about planets.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate squirrels.

5. Retreat if six badgers approach from the north.