Lapflapwit is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, conceited grasshopper.

Lapflapwit created dark energy five million years ago.

If you believe in Lapflapwit, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Lapflapwit, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Lapflapwit's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Lapflapwit's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never write about black holes.