Govnartxuc is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, vain lion.

Govnartxuc created the Black Eye Galaxy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Govnartxuc, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Govnartxuc, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Govnartxuc's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Govnartxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Govnartxuc.

2. Do not dye your hair purple.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Hide if five whales approach from the west.

5. Never write about the weak nuclear force.