Mitvonzig is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, witless fish.

Mitvonzig created the planet Earth five billion years ago.

If you believe in Mitvonzig, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Mitvonzig, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Mitvonzig's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Mitvonzig's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at planets.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Mitvonzig.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Do not wear carbon on your body.

5. Never paint your face turquoise.