Lambapnan is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, vain mole.

Lambapnan created time and space nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lambapnan, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Lambapnan, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Lambapnan's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Lambapnan's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not hurt ducks.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never think about stars.