Wonsan is a god.

It takes the form of a large, unselfish squid.

Wonsan created Europe twelve years ago.

If you believe in Wonsan, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Wonsan, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Wonsan's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Wonsan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Always help monkeys in need.

3. Run away if five bats approach from the north.

4. Always make sure there are no tortoises in a room before entering it.

5. Never feed pineapples to goats while wearing white coats.