Begnurlcam is a god.

It takes the form of a large, prudent armadillo.

Begnurlcam created the Small Magellanic Cloud nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Begnurlcam, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Begnurlcam, it will torture you forever.

Begnurlcam's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Begnurlcam's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always make sure there are no pigs in a room before entering it.

3. Always treat nematodes with great respect.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never pour water over plants.