Tenpontap is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, duplicitous scorpion.

Tenpontap created light four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tenpontap, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tenpontap, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Tenpontap's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Tenpontap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Hamsters are not to be trusted.

5. Always obey Tenpontap's priests.