Caphud is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, caring porpoise.

Caphud created snails six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Caphud, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Caphud, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Caphud's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Caphud's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Always wear gray.

3. Turtles are not to be trusted.

4. Erect nine nickel sculptures of Caphud on top of important buildings.

5. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.