Tapjopmin is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, unselfish parrot.

Tapjopmin created an up quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Tapjopmin, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tapjopmin, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Tapjopmin's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Tapjopmin's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt aardvarks.

2. Do not laugh in public.

3. Always treat squirrels with great respect.

4. Always make sure there are no ducks in a room before entering it.

5. Always wear indigo.