Kimyattfet is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, unthinking jackal.

Kimyattfet created the planet Mars four years ago.

If you believe in Kimyattfet, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Kimyattfet, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Kimyattfet's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Kimyattfet's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Kimyattfet on top of all buildings.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Worship no other gods but Kimyattfet.

4. Geese are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Do not kill otters.