Jopdamgof is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, merciless guinea pig.

Jopdamgof created dark matter seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopdamgof, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Jopdamgof, it will throw large rocks at you.

Jopdamgof's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Jopdamgof's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry ants.

2. Never paint your legs orange.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never go into green rooms.

5. Always obey Jopdamgof's priests.