Bifflampid is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, selfish bear.

Bifflampid created the planet Mars seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bifflampid, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bifflampid, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Bifflampid's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Bifflampid's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about cell theory.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Do not bounce in public.

5. Worship no other gods but Bifflampid.