Mapgessran is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, pitiless tapir.

Mapgessran created the Small Magellanic Cloud six million years ago.

If you believe in Mapgessran, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Mapgessran, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Mapgessran's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Mapgessran's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Hide if nine horses approach from the south.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never paint your neck gray.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Mapgessran.