Fitboss is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, kind capybara.

Fitboss created tapeworms two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fitboss, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Fitboss, he will boil you in a big pot.

Fitboss' most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Fitboss' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not drink water in orange rooms.