Titflab is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, unthinking crocodile.

Titflab created an electron seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Titflab, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Titflab, she will torture you forever.

Titflab's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Titflab's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Titflab.

4. Never go into cyan rooms.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.