Talcubrotomin Yakpad is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, tiresome walrus.

Talcubrotomin Yakpad created an atom six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Talcubrotomin Yakpad, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Talcubrotomin Yakpad, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Talcubrotomin Yakpad's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Talcubrotomin Yakpad's Holy Commandments

1. Never run in the presence of voles.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Talcubrotomin Yakpad.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate snails.

5. Do not speak about figs.