Gemquafvab is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, irritating owl.

Gemquafvab created tapeworms two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gemquafvab, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Gemquafvab, it will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Gemquafvab's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Gemquafvab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt goats.

2. Always make sure there are no doves in a building before entering it.

3. Retreat if seven geese approach from the north.

4. Never go into brown rooms.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.