Arptagstik is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, prudent goose.

Arptagstik created a charm quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Arptagstik, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Arptagstik, he will remove you from existence.

Arptagstik's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Arptagstik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never write about asteroids.

3. Do not speak about bread.

4. Arptagstik loves otters, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not trade with those who eat peas.