Nutsterflap is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, kind beaver.

Nutsterflap created the world eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nutsterflap, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Nutsterflap, he will turn you into a rock.

Nutsterflap's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Nutsterflap's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Worship no other gods but Nutsterflap.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.