Kaplinkon Wotcinjad is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, witty duck.

Kaplinkon Wotcinjad created a down quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Kaplinkon Wotcinjad, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Kaplinkon Wotcinjad, he will try to impress you with trees.

Kaplinkon Wotcinjad's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Kaplinkon Wotcinjad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in green rooms.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not dye your hair indigo.

4. Kaplinkon Wotcinjad loves badgers, so they must be respected.

5. You must pray to Kaplinkon Wotcinjad eight times a day.