Tiftallogvidtonk is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, ill-tempered gnu.

Tiftallogvidtonk created Africa two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tiftallogvidtonk, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tiftallogvidtonk, she will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Tiftallogvidtonk's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Tiftallogvidtonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Always help manatees.

3. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. You must never eat corn.

5. Feed all hungry shrews.